Leading Without Dominance: The Obligations of Power
I learned about power the long way around.
Early in a supervisory role, I believed my responsibility was to be clear and decisive. I focused on doing my work well and keeping things moving. What I didn’t yet understand was how much my presence itself shaped the experience of the people around me.
It took time to see that what felt neutral to me often wasn’t seen that way. A casual comment could be taken as direction or a delayed response might register as disapproval. Decisions made for the sake of efficiency sometimes unsettled people who had far less room to absorb their consequences.
None of this came from ill intent. It simply came from my position.
Years later, Alan Mulally, former CEO of Ford Motor Company, said something to me that clarified what I had been slow to learn:
“Your face doesn’t belong to you anymore.”
What he meant was that leaders are closely watched because the power of our position communicates long before words do. When we hold power, our tone, expression, and even silence carry meaning whether we intend them to or not.
Power isn’t revealed just by formal direction. Informal reach and impact can matter even more. I began to see the field I was shaping, even when I believed I was simply doing my job.
This is why the courageous use of power must begin with relational awareness, not with authority.
Moral Visibility Under Power
One of the more uncomfortable truths of leadership is that you are visible in ways you didn’t choose.
People notice what you respond to and what you overlook. They pay attention to how quickly you decide and which concerns slow you down. Silence also communicates. And people often fill in the blanks by imagining the worst.
We need to recognize our moral visibility under power. I'm not referring to morality in an abstract sense as virtue, goodness, or judgment, but as something very specific and concrete:
Power shapes consequences others must live with.
And that makes power morally consequential, even when our intentions are benign.
When you hold influence, your actions and inactions don’t register as neutral. They are read as signals about what matters, who is protected, and what risks are acceptable for others to carry. You can be conscientious and well-meaning and still cause harm without ever raising your voice.
Systems often reward dominance: speed, confidence, and certainty. But those same qualities often eclipse others’ agency — the capacity they have to think, speak, and act without undue fear or constraint.
Dominance compresses the relational field by narrowing the range of choice people feel they have. Over time, fewer options feel safe, fewer questions feel welcome, and people adapt by withholding, complying, or disappearing in plain sight.
Leading without dominance does not mean abandoning clarity. It means refusing to mistake clarity for the assumption that others are aligned simply because you’ve spoken. It requires being reflective about how we exercise power.
When Influence Exceeds Role
Later in my career, another dimension of power emerged. People sought me out for opinions. They asked me to weigh in on conflicts or intervene in situations that weren’t formally mine to manage. They valued my competence and credibility. They saw me as influential.
I often found this surprising and sometimes awkward. I didn’t always feel suited to address the concerns being brought to me. I hadn’t asked for this role. And yet, the fact that people were turning toward me meant something important was already true: my influence extended beyond my title.
This kind of informal power can be easy to mishandle precisely because it feels unofficial. It’s tempting to offer quick guidance, align with the person who seems most reasonable, or step in as a fixer. Those responses can feel helpful and affirming. They can also distort the relational field by pulling authority toward oneself and away from the people who should hold it — and who must live with the consequences.
Relational courage under power asks for restraint here. It asks whether we can notice when others are deferring to us and choose not to capitalize on their deference, even unintentionally.
It’s also worth stating that power isn’t experienced evenly. Women and people from marginalized groups are scrutinized more closely: the same words, expressions, or silences are often interpreted differently than they would be for others. For them, moral visibility, can be heightened and more precarious. Any honest account of power has to make room for this reality.
While leadership makes power dynamics easier to see, they aren’t limited to formal roles. Power exists wherever influence shapes outcomes: within families, friendships, communities, and groups that matter to us. A parent’s withdrawal, a friend’s approval, a long-standing member’s reaction can carry weight far beyond what is spoken.
The same moral visibility applies: what we do and don’t do affects how others speak, adapt, or stay silent. The obligations when using power aren't reserved for leaders alone. They belong to anyone whose presence carries consequence.
What Power Asks of Us
Power, whether formal or informal, creates obligation.
That’s because influence shapes the conditions others must work within. When we fail to meet this responsibility, people adapt around us in ways we may never see. They take on risks we don’t share and manage consequences we don’t bear.
Understanding this helps explain why power asks something specific of those who hold it. It asks us:
to slow down when we could move quickly
to listen when we could decide alone
to name impact when intent would be easier, and
to try to repair relationships when withdrawal would cost us less.
Power is not just what we do. It is the relational field we create, often without noticing.
That field has qualities. It can feel spacious or constricted, inviting participation or silence. Leading without dominance means tending to that field with care and paying attention to how others are adjusting within it.
This work is challenging. It requires us to tolerate uncertainty, risk disapproval, and recognize that good intentions don’t absolve us of responsibility.
A Quiet Obligation
Relational courage under power calls for us to stay human when systems reward domination, speed, and distance.
It’s about remembering that leadership is measured not only by outcomes, but by the conditions it creates for others to speak, act, and belong.
You don’t outgrow power. You grow into responsibility for it.
That is the work of leading without dominance, and it’s work that never fully ends.
Practice Invitation
Choose one setting where you hold influence — formal or informal.
Slow down just enough to notice how others respond around you.
What changes when you listen a little longer, decide a little later, or name impact instead of intent?
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And that’s The Gist of It™: insights on relational courage — the courage to know and be known by others.
These practices help relationships breathe rather than tighten, deepen rather than fracture.
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Marilyn Gist, PhD