It’s 4:40 on Thursday when an email arrives from your colleague. Her slide deck for the board meeting goes out Monday. Can you take a quick look over the weekend? You’d be so good at this.
She’s right, you would be. You can already see a few problems: an opening that buries the main point, a slide crowded with numbers, a call to action that arrives too late. Ten minutes with it and you’d know exactly what to fix.
Notice what happens next. Within about two seconds, a second voice chimes in. I can do this, she needs it, and I’m the kind of person who helps. Of course I should. Your fingers are ready to draft the reply.
Yet this is precisely the moment to slow down.
First, notice the “can.” State it plainly: I’m good at sharpening a board story. That’s a real skill, and you built it.
Second, claim it. That skill is yours. You developed it before this email arrived, and it will still be yours after you answer. This is the first practical meaning of Own It: your capacity is something you direct. A request can ask for it while the decision stays with you.
Third, examine the request itself. If you give yourself a little room, a few second thoughts may surface.
You may remember that your own quarterly report is due Tuesday. Taking a quick look for someone else rarely stays quick.
You may also notice, a little uncomfortably, that this is her third “quick look” this month. Each one seemed small but together they’ve become an arrangement you never agreed to.
And beneath both, you may notice something else. Saturday morning was the only time you’d protected to work on the idea you’ve been circling, the one that might change where your work goes next. Requests like this keep you busy and useful, but they rarely move you forward.
Thoughts like these are useful information. You can be a kind person and hold them without guilt. Sometimes the answer will still be yes, because the deck matters or because she’s new and you want her to succeed. Sometimes the honest answer is no. And sometimes it’s Here’s what I’d look at first, so you can take it from here.
Catch One or Two Requests This Week
Watch for requests that trigger your reflexive yes. Before you reply, buy yourself a little time with a pre-planned holding sentence: “Let me check what I’ve already committed to, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
Then write two lines on scratch paper. The first says what you can do. The second says whether you should, and why.
Keep them as separate sentences on the page, because this practice is about the space between capacity and commitment. We have to notice it to strengthen how we manage it.
Then, whatever you decide, you’ll have chosen it. Your capacity goes where you send it.
And that’s the Gist of it.
If you want to see what this moment can cost when it slips by unnoticed, Daniel’s story in “Let Me Look Into It” is available here.
Thank you for reading.
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Marilyn Gist